In essence, the greatest barrier to our attainment of a compatible partner is our own mental distortions and projections. The 7th house in the chart shows the shape of the “puzzle piece” that we will continue to attract over and over, and if we carefully consider our past partners, we can usually find an energetic or even astrological thread that runs through them all, but often decreases in power with each successive partner. What often happens is that, after giving up on one or more relationships, people form habits of quickly disposing of a partner if they do not meet each and every rational criteria quite effortlessly. This is why, often times, if we truly consider our first serious partner, he or she was the one who was most aligned with our natural, untainted libido before it became shrouded in protective ego— as each partner after that was chosen increasingly with the rational mind (from our fears, or relying on what the media tells us to like, etc.), and less with the instinct. This can be confirmed in scientific studies that prove that people become decreasingly happy with each sexual partner they have. In regards to relationships, the main thing to consider in order to attract the partner of your dreams is that the only thing keeping you from them is the distortions in your own mind as to what they need to be. People tend to think they know what they want and then constrain their efforts pursuing or attempting to have a relationship with a partner that has an incompatible polarity, because they allow their mind to distort the natural attraction (through fear or confusion) of the correct partner, which occurs without effort and only when we release our expectations or preconceived notions about what they are.
This also relates to the distortions we create about ourselves that have no foundation in reality, which then further obscure our ability to achieve success in relationships or anything else. It all comes down to flaws in our own perception, and learning how to develop the mindset that our distorted expectations and desires can never fulfill us like the truth can— and so we should not have a kind of aversion for the truth and preference for fantasy, false desires, or a false identity. Sexual Energy typically operates independent from the rational mind. Rather than align their mind with their own sexual energy and creating a foundation based in truth and the foundational life force energies, individuals often pinch and distort their sexual energy to conform to what their mind and ego wants, and not what in reality is the best expression for it. This then causes a person to be gradually removed from the flow of this energy due to mental barriers, and then they find that they are always attracting incompatible partners that never work out.
All of these difficulties disappear when we pay our due to Eros and take off the suffocating mental restrictions and expectations that we have about what a relationship or partner "should be”, and make the mental affirmation to accept a partner who is truly sexually compatible with us, so that we can allow our aura to take the proper shape, which then draws the correct partner to us effortlessly. We can attract any force that we want to by taking on the opposite shape of what we are trying to attract; this happens naturally if we truly become “ourselves” and connected to our libido without fear, embodying our 1st house, and so naturally settling into our position opposite the 7th. Individuals often create false identities of what they themselves are (House 1), which then distorts their ability to attract the type that feeds off of and fuels their libido (House 7). Due to the opposing nature of ourselves and those who we are most magnetized to, we actually often times “hate” with the rational mind the one who destroys our ego the most, and who has the most potential to transform with us in a powerful sexual manner, due to the nature of sexual polarity being the combination of antagonistic opposing forces. This is why sexual alchemy is “dangerous" and confusing because it is not easy to get things that naturally oppose one another to melt together and dwell together harmoniously. It is a long-term and difficult process, but that leads to the ultimate reward. When we give up on the partner we were initially attracted to, and we begin creating longer and longer lists of rational requirements for our potential partners that are based in our ego’s idea of what is “easy” for us, we remove the opportunity for ourselves to go through the challenging but rewarding transformative process of uniting with our actual opposite.
Just as the libido outside of the rational mind, it also operates outside of the constraints of space & time. We can close our eyes and mentally call forth our partner, and actually begin connecting with them on the astral plane. So, in reality, we are never actually severed from our real sexual partner, other than the blockages we place with our own distorted perceptions. Remaining open and passive on the material plane, and building up your sexual energy on the astral plane, it naturally finds its correct outlet towards one’s partner, and uses the sexual exchanges in your dreams to build up the physical manifestation and encounter with them.